d12 faerie creatures based on fake etymologies

I really want faerie creatures living somewhat along side regular people, similar to how you see in the kids show Hilda for a bigger project I am working on (which is supposed to stay small, but I can't seem to help myself). Initially, it seemed to me that there were two ways to go about this, both of which I thought were dissatisfying

:

Option 1: steal gnomes, pixies, goblins, leprechauns, etc. from folklore

This I just can't do. Not because of some strange desire to be 'original', but because this sets expectations that I don't necessarily want to adhere to. The mainstream goblin just doesn't interest me that much. There are also so many different interpretations of creatures like goblins that I don't gain much in terms of shared expectations and it seems like a real drag to explain how my goblins differ from other people's variations. 

Mostly though, I just can't be bothered to do the reading required to get some interesting faerie folk from folklore. It seems like it would probably be fun (I love monstrum for example), but this was meant to not take too much time.

Option 2: invent your own creatures whole cloth

There is only one real reason I don't feel comfortable doing this and it is rather silly: fake names often make me cringe a little bit. I don't like describing 'chopediwok's living alongside 'sneedes' and 'pluttipudes', because to me it sounds like meaningless gibberish and it doesn't conjure up a clear image. Also, I just find it sort of embarising to say that stuff out loud at the table. 

My sollution:

What I want are creatures whose names evoke an immediate image, without having to do all the work of borrowing real creatures form other sources. Then, I accidentally stumbled into this idea: Create faeries as fake etymologies of real words and phrases. Similar to how 'weaseling your way out of something' refers to a real creature, I will invent creatures that real expressions could be reffering to. This way they hopefully conjure up an image, without relying on (often conflicting or boring) shared understandings of established faerie folk. 

D12 Etymological fey

1.  scarper
         verb

            INFORMAL BRITISH
         run away

Scarpers are tiny feathered creatures with sharp teeth, that love to steal shiny objects. They tend to hoard these in their nests, made in rafters and underneath floarboards. Scarpers hate loud banging sounds, thus starting the anual tradition in which everyone in the village walks through their house banging on pots with ladles, afterwhich they march through the streets. Scarpers are mostly harmless.

2.  wretched
          adjective

             in a very unhappy or unfortunate state

A wretch is a long, spindly creature that is often seen gliding through barren fields in long tattered robes. They actively seek out places that make them feel miserable as they live off of feeling bad. Wretches take great joy in eachother's company, which is why they can't stay together for very long. They are mostly harmless, though their presence does tend to dampen the mood.

3.   grouch
           noun

        a habitually grumy person 

Grouches are never happy to see you, due to the fact that people only ever seem to notice them when they are mid dinner. The official stance of a grouch is that everything people throw away is theirs to peruse and consume, which usually causes a giant mess as they are surprisingly picky eaters. If you try to dispute their claim, they react by throwing around insults and trash in equal measure.

4.  botched
          adjective

         something caried out badly or carelessly

Botches are by far the ugliest creatures recorded in history. Incapable of doing anything other than nibble on lichen, botches are harmless and utterly defenceless. However, because their pressense is such an affront to the senses, they have no natural predators. Everyone agrees that such a creature could only have come to be by some sort of mistake, though there is no agreement as to who or what is to blame.

5.  cack-handed
          adjective

            INFORMAL BRITISH
         inept; clumsy

Cacks are tiny, round, earthen creatures with excited faces and are the most eager of the faerie folk to help out with day to day tasks. Unfortunately their soft bodies and short limbs make them completely inept at almost everything related to housework. If you do manage to find something for them to do succesfully, they will gladly perform these tasks for many generations.

6.   slob
            noun

            INFORMAL
          a person who is lazy and has low standards of cleanliness

Slobs are furry, greasy creatures, attracted to unmade beds where they like to snooze while the bed's regular occupants are out and about. Consisting mostly of hair, these tiny invaders seem to be able to squeeze through even the tiniest holes and gaps. If it wasn't for their terrible odor people wouldn't mind their presence, as they are completely harmless and rather cute looking.

7.  gallivanting
          verb

         INFORMAL
       go around from one place to another in the pursuit of pleasure or entertainment

In their pursuit for entertainment gallivants travel endlessly from village to village. If it wasn't for their green skin, they could easily be mistaken for fair looking youths. Wherever groups of people are having fun, you can expect a gallivant to turn up and join in. While a gallivant partakes in making merry you lose all sense of time. They are harmless, though youngsters often feel tempted to join their travels.

8.  gobsmacked
         adjective

         INFORMAL BRITISH
       utterly astonished

No one knows what a gob looks like. They somehow always escape direct observation, being only ever percieved from the corner of your eye. Whenever you try to focus on them, you get slapped in the face before you can get a good look at them. Gobs seem to be attracted by beautiful things and it is said you can tell the merit of an artist by how many gobs inhabit their gallery.

9.  lurgy
         noun

         HUMOROUS BRITISH
       an unspecified or inditerminate illness

Having the consistency of thick semi-transparant gass, lurgies live off of their host's vitality. They rarely occupy the same host for more than a day or two, being more inconveniant than dangerous. While a lurgy is feeding on you, you feel unwell and lethargic. As lurgies can be dispersed by the wind, being out and about reduces the chances of breathing one long enough for it to attatch itself to you.

10. poppycock
         noun

         INFORMAL
       nonesense

Poppycocks are pranksters, that delight in making people look silly. When these tiny wad-looking creatures touch your skin, they make you say nonsensical, agramatical sentences. They are blind, finding their targets mostly by smell and sound, meaning they often land on loudmouths and drunkards. Fresh flowers are a great deterrent, as poppycocks despise the smell of them.

11. wangle
         verb

         INFORMAL
       manage to obtain something by persuading or cleverly manipulating someone

No one likes a wangle. These sharply dressed, canine creatures love offering proposals that seem like they would benefit you, but it always ends with you having to do a lot of hard work to their benefit. Most wangles like a challenge, and they frown upon manipulating children and gullible folk. No advice can help you in dealing with them, as they would learn of it quickly and use it against you.

12. whinge
         verb

        complain persistently and in a peevish or irritating way

Whingers sleep in the underbrush of forests, preferably near towns and villages as they absolutely love the smell of bread. When their rest is disturbed whingers sluggishly scurry away making loud complaining noises in annoyance. Hunters take care to make note of where whingers like to rest, to prevent their loud complaints from giving away the hunter's position. 

Concluding remarks

This was fun and I invite everyone to try something like this, even if you will use the process to create completely different sorts of things.

It did take me way more time than I thought it would, though most of that was in the writing. Less of a small tangent than I thought it would be, but still faster than reading through even only 12 wikipedia pages. 

Also, for this post's obligatory philosophy tie in: Creating third options when faced with seemingly exhaustive dichotomies is something Catherine Malabou inspired me to be more mindful of during one of her Spinoza lectures when she had the Spinoza chair at University of Amsterdam. She phrased the question in the context of opposing capitalism, which she thought was being done rather ineffectively both from within capitalism (via means such as effective altruism) and from outside of it (through comunes and the like). 

According to her, it is philosophy's job to create concepts that allow for third options when confronted with impossible seeming dichotomies; which, regardless on your stance on the merit of capitalism, is something worthy of consideration.